Hi, my name is Katherine and I'm a self-confessed control freak!

 For as long as I can remember I have suffered from anxiety and depression and an over-active mind.  My mind is like a busy New York City street-there's always something going on, whether that's thinking about yesterday, tomorrow, food, study, the state of the economy, what I have to do - you name it and I think about it!!! It's almost like I have hundreds of different people living in my brain constantly talking to me, telling me things, reminding me of what I should know or should do, reprimanding me for what I do wrong – but strangely never really giving me much credit for what I do right.   

I think for me, my controlling nature comes from my anxiety.  As we all know the world is an uncertain place and for me this causes a lot of anxiety. They say you get wiser as you get older but for me it seems like I just want to try and control more – and increasingly, every aspect of my life to try .  There is something about predictability that gives me comfort – and that’s what I want and in EVERY WAY !!!    I control what I eat and when I eat (to the extreme), when I study, how much I study, what time I wake up, what time I go to bed, how much water I drink, what time I'll exercise, what exercise I will do – where, what time I'll check social media -MY DAY IS 100% planned-I might not ‘know’ what is coming every day but I sure try and make sure I can – and control it!!  I am so not that person who can have spontaneous and last minute catch ups. I need to know at least a day in advance-I need to put it in my calendar, I need to have it in my mind!  

 Even as a ‘carefree’ 21 year old this causes big problems for me, particularly in my social life.  For example - I will decline seeing friends or going out if I don't have enough notice or if I feel like the going out situation won't be in my control.  What impacts me and perhaps worries me most is that I find it easier to turn down going out for meals with friends than shaking off my fear of loss of control.  Because of my rigid routine and loss of control fears I compromise the good things in my life – the friends that I love the most.

THIS IS SOMETHING I AM WORKING ON!!