Hi, my name is Katherine and I'm a self-confessed control freak!

 For as long as I can remember I have suffered from anxiety and depression and an over-active mind.  My mind is like a busy New York City street-there's always something going on, whether that's thinking about yesterday, tomorrow, food, study, the state of the economy, what I have to do - you name it and I think about it!!! It's almost like I have hundreds of different people living in my brain constantly talking to me, telling me things, reminding me of what I should know or should do, reprimanding me for what I do wrong – but strangely never really giving me much credit for what I do right.   

I think for me, my controlling nature comes from my anxiety.  As we all know the world is an uncertain place and for me this causes a lot of anxiety. They say you get wiser as you get older but for me it seems like I just want to try and control more – and increasingly, every aspect of my life to try .  There is something about predictability that gives me comfort – and that’s what I want and in EVERY WAY !!!    I control what I eat and when I eat (to the extreme), when I study, how much I study, what time I wake up, what time I go to bed, how much water I drink, what time I'll exercise, what exercise I will do – where, what time I'll check social media -MY DAY IS 100% planned-I might not ‘know’ what is coming every day but I sure try and make sure I can – and control it!!  I am so not that person who can have spontaneous and last minute catch ups. I need to know at least a day in advance-I need to put it in my calendar, I need to have it in my mind!  

 Even as a ‘carefree’ 21 year old this causes big problems for me, particularly in my social life.  For example - I will decline seeing friends or going out if I don't have enough notice or if I feel like the going out situation won't be in my control.  What impacts me and perhaps worries me most is that I find it easier to turn down going out for meals with friends than shaking off my fear of loss of control.  Because of my rigid routine and loss of control fears I compromise the good things in my life – the friends that I love the most.

THIS IS SOMETHING I AM WORKING ON!!

New Years Resolutions

I know I'm a bit late (nearly 2 weeks late), but I thought it could be interesting for all of us to share our New Years resolutions.  So in the comments box below please share to our mind, body and spiritually healthy community your New Years resolutions.

Mine are as follows:

1. To enjoy healthy, nutritious, healing foods and to have good/healthy eating habits

I want to eat lots of nourishing foods, that will heal my mind and body and give me the best opportunity to function physically and mentally. I also want to create good eating habits.  This means I want to eat regularly and snack (which will boost my metabolism).  I also don't want to be 'scared' of any foods, but understand that any food is fine fore you in moderation.  

2. To respect myself and believe in my abilities

Enough with the self hate and self doubt.  Instead I want to acknowledge my good qualities and be proud of who I am and everything I have to offer.  I want to truly believe that I am enough, just as I am.

3. To have good relationships with my friends and family

 My friends and family are everything to me, so I want to truly worship those friendships and take time to really nurture those relationships.  That might be, having meals with friends, talking more to friends and family and just overall spending more time with those special people.  

4. To have a holiday

I have not a proper holiday in AGES!!!!! Mainly because I have been so scared of the lack of control I would have over my food and exercise. As a result of this I haven't been on many holidays and explored this beautiful world we live in, so 2015 is the year I go overseas and explore.

5. To get uni into perspective-it is a learning experience

In my 2 years at university I have tortured myself with expectations and pressures of being the best.  This ultimately means I don't enjoy uni, as I find it stressful and overwhelming.  I hated going, hated doing assignments, broke down when it was exam time-NO MORE!!  In 2015 I am going to look at uni for what it is-a learning experience.  I don't have to be the best or get high distinctions every assessment piece.  Instead, uni is a fantastic opportunity to learn and expand my knowledge in an area that I love (psychology). 

6. To search for my passion

7. To grow and develop my independence 

I live at home with my beautiful Mum and I love it and am so thankful she looks after me.  But in 2015 I want to gain some more independence.  I'm not quite sure how yet-but in 2015 I am going to try and be more independent!!

Big Hugs,

Katie xoxo