Hi, my name is Katherine and I'm a self-confessed control freak!

 For as long as I can remember I have suffered from anxiety and depression and an over-active mind.  My mind is like a busy New York City street-there's always something going on, whether that's thinking about yesterday, tomorrow, food, study, the state of the economy, what I have to do - you name it and I think about it!!! It's almost like I have hundreds of different people living in my brain constantly talking to me, telling me things, reminding me of what I should know or should do, reprimanding me for what I do wrong – but strangely never really giving me much credit for what I do right.   

I think for me, my controlling nature comes from my anxiety.  As we all know the world is an uncertain place and for me this causes a lot of anxiety. They say you get wiser as you get older but for me it seems like I just want to try and control more – and increasingly, every aspect of my life to try .  There is something about predictability that gives me comfort – and that’s what I want and in EVERY WAY !!!    I control what I eat and when I eat (to the extreme), when I study, how much I study, what time I wake up, what time I go to bed, how much water I drink, what time I'll exercise, what exercise I will do – where, what time I'll check social media -MY DAY IS 100% planned-I might not ‘know’ what is coming every day but I sure try and make sure I can – and control it!!  I am so not that person who can have spontaneous and last minute catch ups. I need to know at least a day in advance-I need to put it in my calendar, I need to have it in my mind!  

 Even as a ‘carefree’ 21 year old this causes big problems for me, particularly in my social life.  For example - I will decline seeing friends or going out if I don't have enough notice or if I feel like the going out situation won't be in my control.  What impacts me and perhaps worries me most is that I find it easier to turn down going out for meals with friends than shaking off my fear of loss of control.  Because of my rigid routine and loss of control fears I compromise the good things in my life – the friends that I love the most.

THIS IS SOMETHING I AM WORKING ON!!

How To Love Yourself

STOP ALL CRITICISM: 
Criticism never changes anything.  Accept yourself as you are, as damaged and as flawed as you think you may be.  Everybody changes, and when you criticise yourself, your changes are viewed as negative.  When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

DON'T SCARE YOURSELF:
STOP terrorising yourself with your negative thoughts.  Instead focus on a positive mental image that gives you pleasure (a beach, a park, the sun on your back, a giant belly laugh), and switch your negative/scary thought into a positive, pleasurable thought.

BE GENTLE, BE KIND, BE PATIENT:
Just as you would be gentle, kind and patient to a friend or family member, be gentle, kind and patient with yourself.  You are your own friend, treat yourself with love and compassion, self love doesn't happen overnight, it's an ongoing process-you have to work for it and practise and wake up each morning determined to be gentle, kind and patient.

BE KIND TO YOUR MIND:
A little reminder: "If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?" 

Don't hate yourself for having scary or negative thoughts, but gently change them into positive and self-loving thoughts.

PRAISE YOURSELF:
Notice the little achievements you make in a day.  If that's waking up in the morning and getting out of bed, or not hating your body when you look in the mirror, or noticing that you are being gentle with yourself-appreciate those little wins and be proud.

SUPPORT YOURSELF:
You need to find ways to support yourself-talking to family or friends, seeing a psychologist, doing some gentle exercise or writing a journal.  It is totally ok to ask for help, you are not expected to fight this on your own!

In fact, I remember the day I asked for help, I cried to my Mum and told her that I was having such negative, self hating thoughts and that I had tried to combat them on my own but they weren't going away, and I remember she just hugged me-and it was then I knew, she was going to help me make proactive steps to get better! (and what a relief that was-I felt like I could breathe away)

TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY:
Life is all about BALANCE-eat chocolate sometimes, guess what!? It's not going to kill you.  But most of the time nourish your body with beautiful fruits and vegetables.

I always imagine my body as a number of beautiful cells, that function to make me a beautiful, strong person and when I eat those nourishing foods, each one of those cells lights up, giving that cell the best opportunity to look after me!

Exercise-not to kill yourself and make you sore, but exercise to move your body-you have been given this most brilliant machine (your body), that does every to look after you and allow you to live and learn and grow, and a way to look after your machine is to move it gently (walking, running, yoga, bike riding).

MIRROR WORK-THE HARDEST STEP!!!
Look in the mirror each day and say "I am a beautiful individual. Filled with infinite possibilities, I am here for a reason-to make a change, I am going to embrace my individuality and BE ME."
(and guess what!? Perhaps by being you, you might change the world.  You never know, but you have to be YOU to find out).

DO IT NOW
Not tomorrow, not next Monday, not when you feel better, not when you lose weight, not when you get a better job, not when you get your dream partner-DO IT NOW!! Put one foot forward and start this hard (but beautiful and WORTH IT) journey to loving yourself.

An ending note, I truly believe that every single person on this planet was put here to make a difference (big or small), please, please, please, love yourself enough and embrace you, so you can make that change.

I love you and someday (hopefully very soon) you will love you too!

Big Hugs,
xoxo Katie